G&G: Terry, it's been over 25 years since your last game in a Tornado uniform. You're back in town this week to watch Hickory High play St. Stephens this Friday night. Are you excited?TTT: Hell yeah, Triple T is excited. I remember playin' those boys my first three years in school. After we got through with them my junior year they tucked tail and ran, man. What was that score?
G&G: The final score in the '82 game was 53-6.
TTT: Sounds about right. That's how we rolled back then, man. Those boys from over there had nothin' on us when we got on the field. We taught them to fear us, baby.
G&G: Exactly right. Well, it's still that way today. What would you say to this year's Tornadoes as they prepare for the big game on Friday?
TTT: Hell, I'd probably tell 'em a couple of things that I learned a long time ago, baby. First of all, there ain't no secret to success in business or in life! The solution is simple, baby! One hundred percent heart, all day, everyday. Only quitters quit, and Triple T is a hitter, not a quitter. Believe that! That's what Coach Barger told us back in the day. He was right about it then just like I'm right about it now.
G&G: That's good stuff. What else would you tell the players?
TTT: Well I'd remind them boys to not take the so-called Indians for granted. I mean, you know... They ain't got much goin' on over there but that don't mean they won't try to throw everything but the kitchen sink at Hickory this Friday. Ain't no days off in this league, baby! Look man, fun is fun. Ain't no problem with chillin', when the chillin's right. But when things ain't happenin' the way they supposed to happen, you know it's time to condense the nonsense. I'm tellin' myself if I'm goin' out there Friday night for Hickory that just because it's Saint don't mean I'm out to lunch - I come to play, baby!
G&G: Terry, even back then you had a reputation for trash-talking that pumped up your teammates and intimidated players from the other teams. What kind of stuff would you say to Indians if you were on the field going after them this week?
TTT: [Chuckles] Well you know that me and my boy Kevin Hendrix were pretty notorious. But yeah, I'd probably get after that Indian quarterback just like in the old days. And after I drove his helmet a couple feet into the ground I'd jump up and yell somethin' like Wooo! You know you can't bring that weak ass stuff up in this humpy-bumpy! You can run, but you can't hide! Woo-baby-yeah! Your ass trapped in Red's House now, baby, Hickory's House of Pain! And there ain't no escape from that! Wooo!
G&G: I hear ya! You know, it's a shame but nowadays there are so many rules about celebrating and taunting and trash-talking that it's about to ruin the game. The refs these days would bury you in yellow flags now. I'm waiting on them to start conducting sensitivity training courses for players. What do you think about that? I know it has to bug you.
TTT: Hell yeah, it freaks me out, man. It ain't right! And I see it in my workplace, too. It's everywhere. Sensitivity trainin'? Hahahaha... Hey man, I'm a sensitive motherf***er. My tacklin' knows no race, gender, or creed! So bring it on! I'm an equal opportunity hittin' machine, all day, everyday, believe that. I am an enforcer man. Don't nothin' go down in my house. It's 100% heart, baby. Sure I check a few fools. I give 'em the pain. But sometimes it's about intimidation you know. It's mind games.
G&G: Absolutely...absolutely. So I hear congratulations are in order for you. You recently won a very prestigious award?
TTT: Ha ha, yeah. I just won the OSPN Office Athlete of the Century award. I gotta admit, Double G, I'm damn proud of that award, too. And I wanna thank the good folks at Felcher & Sons for giving me the opportunity to shine. Did you see the special OSPN did on me?
G&G: I sure did, Terry. In fact we'll play a clip from that segment in just a few minutes. But first, let's talk briefly about the injury you sustained a couple of weeks ago. What happened?
TTT: Well, it was a Monday-morning thing that just kinda happened. I mean, I was movin' down the aisle by the cubicles and just as Triple T reached the corner the dude with the mail cart rammed me in my left leg. I went down quick because of my knee. You always gotta worry about those knees, you know?
G&G: And yet you're already planning to go back in there? That's amazing, considering the severity of the injury.
TTT: You can't hurt this! I'm a machine, G! I'm built for this, son! Woo! Woo! Playin' hurt? Baby, that don't phase me! I don't got time for pain. The only pain I got time for is the pain I put on fools who don't know what time it is! Any bitch-ass think I'da lost a step, 'cause of what happened? 'Cause what happened to my knee and such?? Well he in for a surprise. A rude, painful surprise!
G&G: Well, let me just conclude by saying that in all my years of working in an office I've never seen any athlete rule the cubicles like you, Terry. You are the very definition of "office linebacker" and I couldn't be more proud to claim you as one of Hickory's own.
TTT: [Chuckles] Well thanks again, Double G, baby! Hey, I just do my job man. I do what my God-given abilities allow me to do and I thank Jesus Christ for it every single day. And do I enjoy what I do? [Chuckles] Hell, yeah.
G&G: Does it bother you that your jersey looks more like a St. Stephens jersey than a Hickory one?
TTT: Well, it ain't a perfect world, you know? I'd love for some Indian fan to run his mouth about it, though!
G&G: Any final comments for the Indians?
TTT: Oh yeah! You wanna play games St. Stephens? Well Terry's back, and I got a new game for you, St. Stephens! It's called "How Much Pain Can Saint Stand, Before Saint Learns Not To Play Games Anymore". That's my game, that's Hickory's game, and when it's game time, it's pain time, baby. Woo! Get ready for the pain, Saint! The Pain Train is comin! Wooo!
***Satire is a good thing and you will see a lot of it on this site. However, The Garnet & Gold Report does not condone or encourage any kind of taunting, excessive celebration or trash-talking that may result in a costly penalty. Trash-talking and taunting belongs in the office environment - not the playing field. Please behave responsibly when you are out on the field. Humiliating the Indians by scoring 10 touchdowns, however, is strongly encouraged! lol
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